Never Gonna Leave This Bed
by Noorlo
Summary: Because he doesn't hold her this tight just because he loves her. Post-Always


**NEVER GONNA LEAVE THIS BED**

…

She wakes up hours after they'd both fell asleep again. The room is pitch black, and the only sound to be heard is his slow breathing next to her.

His arms feel warm around her; safe. She knows she should just close her eyes again and go back to sleep; it shouldn't be hard, because she's exhausted and she feels happier and more relaxed than she can remember being in a long, long time. But she can't.

She can't, because something is eating on her and it's like everything is perfect except that one little detail that keeps tugging on her control-freak-ish mind, screaming and yelling to get some attention.

He's snoring softly; his chest moving up and down with every breath he takes. Her hand is on his chest; subconsciously searching for his heartbeat.

He's there.

But she knows why he's holding her so tightly; for more reasons than just because he loves her.

He's afraid she will run.

And she doesn't blame him, because he has every right and every reason to think that, but it hurts, because she wants him to be just as carefree as she is right now. She doesn't want him to hold back because he's afraid she'll pull back again.

She just wants him to feel the way she does; finally complete. Finally feel okay; even if it's just for a little while, because she isn't stupid and she knows that when the sun comes up she will have to face the reality that she doesn't have a job anymore; that her mother's case is still unresolved; that her sniper still isn't caught and that she eventually will have to talk to Castle, while he has to face Alexis; he has to talk to her; he has to bear her burdens.

It's not like she has ever asked him to do that last thing, but he just did. And maybe that's one of the reasons she loves him; because she doesn't have to ask; doesn't have to scream for help because he just reads her, and helps her.

And she doesn't think anyone has ever done that for her.

She pries his arms away from her naked body and hears him mumbling in protest; he's still asleep and the fact that his subconscious protests against her leaving stings even harder. She's had enough psychology classes during her training to know his fear is seated deeply.

Suddenly she hates herself for always running; always pulling away; always leaving; always holding back. Because now she wants to go all in, but she can't because now that her wounds have healed, she has scarred _him_.

''Castle.'' She whispers, so softly that she wonders if she even wants him to hear it. Slowly she pushes herself up on her elbows; facing him.

He murmurs something and moves in his sleep; his eyes fluttering lightly. His forehead is crinkled and he looks like he's in pain.

''Castle.'' She then says. Her voice sounds loud and scary through the silent, empty loft and she's so happy he's here beside her because lately the dark and silence would scare her.

He turns around but still doesn't wake up.

She moves the hand she has on his chest; gives him a light push to wake him up.

Her stirs; his eyes open slowly and she can see his eyes adjusting to the dark as they look for her face.

''What's wrong?'' He sleepily mumbles. Then he yawns and she kisses his lips briefly.

''I-'' Suddenly she's forgotten what she wanted to say; no- she doubts if she ever knew why she even woke him up she just- just wants him to know that she isn't going to leave.

She hates not planning what she's going to say but then again, she hadn't planned what she was going to say when she stood in front of his door; soaking wet from the rain and that had worked out pretty well. Pretty damn well, actually.

She sits up a little bit straighter and runs her hand through her hair; she can't help but feel vulnerable and insecure in front of him, although in a good way; she wants to be the best her for him.

''Are you leaving?'' He whispers and she can see the pain flash through his eyes; reflecting in her own.

''No. No. I'm not gonna leave, I'm not gonna leave.'' She reassures him, scolding herself for making him think that. ''I just- I just wanted to say that… that I'm never going to leave again, okay? I'm never going to run again.'' She whispers.

His body relaxes; he smiles.

''Okay.'' He yawns and although he doesn't say much she knows how much it means to him; because it means just as much –if not more- to her.

''I love you Rick.'' She says as she lays back down against him; the words roll easily off her tongue as if she's said them a thousand times before. It feels so familiar; so good.

''I love you too.'' He says and despite his sleepiness he reaches for her wrists and pulls her even closer to him.

She doesn't protest.

She loves him.

She's never going to leave this bed.

(Ah, well, at least not until he does, and then she'll still never-ever-ever leave his side.)

….

**So yeah, this was really short. I actually have some kind of rule where I can't publish anything shorter than a thousand words but I just really liked this and I felt like I couldn't really add anything to it; after all it only describes a few minutes or so. **

**Feedback would be lovely (:**


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